Saturday, April 15, 2006
Reading his blog, you get the idea of the wonderful person he is.
- September 10th, 2002. The day before the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on America. And I say...who gives a f***? I'm sick of hearing about it! I was sick of hearing about it a week after it happened. I liked the coverage of it at first, because it was entertaining. But after a few days of it, it got boring! The same thing happened with the Murrah Building bombing in Oklahoma, from which I live only about 30 or 40 miles away. I didn't care about that, and I don't care about the WTC. No one I know was involved in either of them, no one I know was hurt. And as long as none of my close friends or I are hurt, I don't give a f*** how many people the terrorists kill. I'm not worried about it.
That's from the very first entry. His favorite movie is the nihilistic Fight Club.
He hates Christianity.
Oklahoma is part of the bible belt, with a heavy religious influence. There's probably 15 churches in this town. I can look out my window and see three. How ****ing pathetic is that?
He's offended by derogatory references to Islam, though.
The Reverend Jerry Falwell has made another one of his incredibly insensitive and hateful "christian" remarks.
"I think Mohammed was a terrorist." He says, speaking of the Prophet Mohammed, Islam's founder and sacred figure.
I hate this guy. (November 2002)
He approvingly links a Fareed Zakaria column titled "Time to Take on America's Haters," which attacked American "fundamentalists" and placed them on an equal moral plane with the Islamists. Without thinking I almost used the phrase "Islamist headchoppers," but that would be a very unfortunate reference in this case.
He hates George Bush.
Yay! Let's elect Bush for another term! He hasn't completely destroyed the country yet. (May 6, 2004)
I finally got to see Fahrenheit 9/11 today. It was an hour drive to get to the theater where it was showing, but I went anyway. And I'm glad I did. It was a great movie. Really great. If it wasn't so far away, I'd go see it again. I'm no good at writing movie reviews, and even if I was, I wouldn't know where to start with a movie like this. I'll agree with what I've read in other reviews, one minute you'll be crying, the next you'll be laughing. It was a very funny movie, but half the funniness is a bad funniness, you're laughing because you can't believe Bush just said something that horrible and incriminating. (June 30, 2004)
And Republicans in general. (Kevin was an avid Indymedia reader).
I did not like Reagan, he scared the s*** out of me. Nuclear war, complete disregard for the environment and chloroflorocarbons, his greasy hair, his politics, star wars, and his view of women as third class citizens. I can't believe there won't be any mail service today. What the f***? Reagan was no Kennedy. Or Clinton, for that matter. Whoo, Clinton! Shout out, brotha. We miss you. (June 30, 2004)
He had full self-awareness, though. He knew who he was. No insanity defense for this guy.
The first blog makes me want to kill people. Speaking of killing people, I went back on my Lexapro today. Not because the doctor told me too or anything, but when he took me off of it, I still had five refills left, so I got one today. I've been off of it since May, and I was doing pretty good, until about the last month or so. I'm still not having much of a social phobia problem, but I'm getting depressed again. Yesterday I was really depressed the entire day. I was so depressed yesterday, it was one off those times where I'm so depressed that my chest hurts. I wonder if that happens to anybody else? When I get really depressed that happens to me. Like usual, the main thing I've been getting depressed about lately is my lack of a sex life.
I mean it, I really need a girlfriend. It's not just depressing anymore, it's actually starting to have a negative effect on my mental state I think. For example, my fantasies are just getting weirder and weirder. Dangerously weird. If people knew the kinds of things I think about anymore, I'd probably be locked away. No probably about it, I know I would be.
He was an angry little s***.
"Mommy, mommy! What are those doggies doing?"
"Ummm, they're playing leapfrog, Timmy."
...By the way, Timmy's mom is a lying bitch. (September 2002)
Speaking of people who need to die, tonight was a very annoying night at work. (September 2002)
But when he talks about his own self-image, here's where he is most transparent. Where he talks about being crushed by an internet girlfriend's rejection, on October 9, 2005:
Like I said, I'm too nice. I should be mad at her. I should be like "Bitch, you better pay me back!" Instead, I feel bad about her paying me back. I'm pathetic. I let people walk all over me in social situations. I inconvenience myself just so other people can get what they want....
Even if I didn't discover that he was a child murderer later on, it's very clear that this is not a nice guy. He's burning with anger under the surface. What stops him from violently attacking people who piss him off is personal cowardice--the fear of social and legal consequences. Not any nobility, not any Christian sense of turning the other cheek.
I'm not mad at Melissa though. Dissappointed, but not mad. I could never be mad at her.
He's furious. He's as angry as Ted Bundy was at the brunette with long straight hair, whoever she was, who rejected him. But Kevin, because he's a "nice guy," he won't lay a hand on Melissa.
But I'd bet anything that poor Jamie Rose--the little girl he killed--had some physical characteristic that reminded this loser of Melissa.
EDITED TO ADD: Nita Nupress pointed me toward the Shadow Wraiths blog, which goes into detail on the "Aphrodite" theory of serial murder and points out the remarkable physical resemblance between the murdered girl and another of Underwood's unrequited crushes.