Monday, December 12, 2005
- Not long ago we in America had a “Daddy” and a “Mommy” party. They didn’t always get along; what Daddy and Mommy do? After all, one is from Mars and the other from Venus.
They each had their strengths, the Daddy party (Republican) was focused on keeping the family safe and the finances secure, while the Mommy party (Democrat) cared more about “nurturing” issues rightly called “domestic.”
I am saddened to tell you: Mommy is no longer with us. The Republican Party is now a single parent. Today there is only the Grown-up party and the kiddie party.
To understand the Democratic Party, all one needs to do is think of sullen teenagers, angry adolescents, and spoiled babies. Understand that this is what they are and you understand their policies, their anger at their parents--both G-d and Republican-led government--their desperation to be popular with other nations, and their incessant tantrums.
Understand this and you get why the Democrat so adores welfare. After all, what is welfare if not an allowance? And why they keep asking “are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” when it comes to the end of the war in Iraq.
I’ll say to the Democrats the same thing I’d say to an annoying child in the backseat of the car: “We have a destination. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes there’s traffic. Sometimes you get a flat tire. We’ll get there when we get there. Now, take a nap.”
Like children who will ram a spike through their tongue because it’s the latest fad, the Democrats will cause themselves (America) irreparable harm to do whatever it takes to be liked by the cheerleaders: France and the United Nations. Like children, they think the louder they yell and the more times they repeat something the more true that something becomes.
What do children find amusing? Poo-poo and pee-pee and wee-wees. What do Democrats find amusing? “Puppetry of the Penis,” “The Vagina Monologues,” and “Urinetown.”
Anger an infant and, incapable of formulating the right words, he might well take his “doody” and smear it on the wall. Anger a Democrat and, incapable of formulating the right words, he might well take elephant dung and smear it on a painting of the Virgin Mary or drench a cross in “pee-pee.”
I’m not alone in recognizing that today’s Democrats are kids. Even Democrats, themselves, know they’re children.
Why do you think Jesse Jackson talks to them in rhyme? After all, Jackson knows, it takes an adult to understand the writings of a Dr. Bennett and a Dr. Rice, but even a five-year-old can understand what a Dr. Seuss is trying to say.
It’s why the folks at Air America didn’t think they were doing anything wrong when they stole nearly a million dollars from the Gloria Wise Boys and Girls Clubs. After all, the money was intended for “underprivileged children” like Al Franken.
What was the Clinton administration? It was the teenage sex romp, “Risky Business” where--when the grown-ups went away--the kids ran around the house in their underwear, using the spare bedroom to make some extra money for themselves and their friends.
It’s why my friend Richie Miller grew up to call himself “Rich” or sometimes “Richard,” and folks known as Joey when they’re five, grow up to be “Joe” or Joseph” by the time they’re ten or fifteen. But Jimmy Carter is, was, and always will be little “Jimmy” because that’s what he is.
And the rest of the world knows that the Democrats are children. Bullies pick on the weak and the ones they know won’t fight back. So, with the kiddies in the White House, suddenly even skinny little Ayatollahs became big bullies, taking our citizens hostage knowing that “little Jimmy” was a scared little baby. They played “got you citizens” with little Jimmy Carter the way an annoying uncle plays “got your nose” with an infant.
And “little Jimmy” responded in the same way as the child. “Give them back, give them back” he yelled, finally going to the United Nations, the Democrat’s version of “I’m telling on you!”
And when the Soviet Union--a truly evil empire--saw that it was “little Jimmy” running the White House, they invaded Afghanistan. Why not? What was “little Jimmy” going to do? Oh, he’d puff up his chest, or hold his breath till he turned blue, but what could he do? After all, Jimmy was a child.
That’s not really fair. If you recall, he did tell the Soviets that we weren’t going to participate in the Olympics that year. In essences little Jimmy’s big plan to stop the spread of the most murderous regime in human history was to tell them “if you don’t stop trying to take over the world, we’re not going to play with you!”
As soon as the grown-ups return, quite literally to the second in the case of the Ayatollahs, the bullies all turn into Eddie Haskells, saying “Here are your citizens, Mr. Reagan. You must have been looking all over for them. I don’t know HOW they could have gotten here . And, gee, don’t you look lovely, Mrs. Reagan!”
And as soon as the grown-ups returned, just a stern word from President Ronald (not “Ronnie”) Reagan and the Soviet Union was no more. The grown ups returned, said “Tear down that wall,” and the Soviets turned into Eddie Haskell. “Yes, sir, I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea how that wall could have gotten there. And, gee, don’t you look lovely, Mrs. Reagan.”
And this is why it is vital that the grown-ups stay in control and maintain their parental veto. You know the parental veto. It’s four words: “Because I said so.” The grown-ups would love to include the other party in the debates but children do not discuss, they throw tantrums, and when a child is throwing a tantrum you just have to say “because I said so.”
We’d like the other party’s input--to have grown-ups with their own ideas to contribute. But when the kiddie party screams and yells “He’s the worst person in the history of the world!” the grown-up just has to say “John Bolton’s going to be our ambassador to the United Nations--because I said so.” And when they spit and lie and get hysterical about the war that has liberated twenty-five million human beings from rape, torture, and genocide, the grown-ups just have to say “We’re staying the course--because I said so.”
I am not happy being a single parent. And I’m disappointed to be dealing with such spoiled, sullen children. I’m sure someday the Republicans will have another grownup partner in what had once been the Mommy party. Until then, Democrats, we’ll handle things here. You? You’re getting cranky, again. Must be time for Ted Kennedy’s bottle.