Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Maybe it's because I'm sitting here with a knot on my head from getting hit by a chessboard (don't ask) but I was--God help me--fascinated by the story in today's Guardian, about Ozzy Osbourne's encounter with a burglar.
It's fascinating on multiple levels, not least for the many great Ozzy-isms ("drive-by sausages"; "You gain on the roundabouts and lose on the swings") or the hilarious concept of the doddering Ozzy "grappling" with an intruder. The story's even more fascinating subtext--this is the commie Guardian, remember--is that home invasions are, at root, entertaining. Unlike America with all its nasty guns, where people get shot everyday and there are stalkers and drive-by shootings, Merrie England affords the opportunity to have your home merrily invaded and your property merrily confiscated by your merrie neighbor. Universal gun control has meant for the UK a burglary rate several times that of America, and--in the iron Law of Unintended Consequences in full force--an armed robbery rate twice that of the USA.
It's fascinating on multiple levels, not least for the many great Ozzy-isms ("drive-by sausages"; "You gain on the roundabouts and lose on the swings") or the hilarious concept of the doddering Ozzy "grappling" with an intruder. The story's even more fascinating subtext--this is the commie Guardian, remember--is that home invasions are, at root, entertaining. Unlike America with all its nasty guns, where people get shot everyday and there are stalkers and drive-by shootings, Merrie England affords the opportunity to have your home merrily invaded and your property merrily confiscated by your merrie neighbor. Universal gun control has meant for the UK a burglary rate several times that of America, and--in the iron Law of Unintended Consequences in full force--an armed robbery rate twice that of the USA.
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